I think that my ecclectic and improvisational parenting style has worked well with Dominic up to date, but as we've entered the stage where he realizes he has CHOICES, and the power to say "no," I've duly noted that my style needs to be narrowed, and structured better!
Instead of inundating myself with discipline books which I think can confuse the good common sense we already have, I try to rely on where my instincts lead me in parenting. I feel I can finally breathe a sigh of relief with this book - since it just so perfectly clicks with my nature as a mother, and my hopes for our family. It just feels right! MY FAVORITE aspect of this approach is that it asserts that the MEAT of life is to enjoy our children, and to enjoy our relationship with them, and to let the discipline aspect be the side dish. It really celebrates the joy of being a parent and a child! This is great for me, as I was having undue stress and anxiety in my expectations of Dominic, most of which were unrealistic.
The techniques are designed to allow our children to learn by their own experiences, with out superfluous lecturing and explaining on our part. It asks that we help our children think things through by asking questions until they arrive at the conclusion. It asks us as parents to not repeat our requests, but instead demonstrate our hopes and expectations through actions. Assuming all things are going smoothly, the approach asks us to involve them in life by presenting them with a variety of choices through out the day which we as parents pick, and then allow them to pick from those choices (boots or sneakers today? crackers or cheese for a snack?). Through this, children feel important and confident, and probably more cooperative. It discusses the importance of setting limits, and following through with consequences with out fail (which could be any consequence you feel would be reasonable, but is generally a time out away from an otherwise very very very fun and loving parent....which then allows a parent AND child to regroup, and allows the child an opportunity make better choices of their own will) The consequence you choose to give your child for poor behaviors, along with the natural consequences we allow our children to experience, will eventually lead to the goal of self-discipline, which is definitely my goal for my children. I won't be there to tell them right from wrong their whole life. It's a more complex concept for children at this age, but I think if the seeds are planted early and nurtured, that the values will grow and develop with out much effort on the parent's part.
I just love the creative ways it suggests for dealing with temper tantrums and other toddler drama - it has been effective and intuitive! And unlike most books on "discipline," it really really REALLY addresses the stages between 0-6, which is truly the foundation for everything else in a human being. There are certain areas that I am not as comfortable with, for example the pure implementation of this approach would require me to surrender more control of Dominic than I wish to, and keeping him safe is main priority at this point. We may dilute the method until he is ready for the rest of it, and I'm excited about applying this technique when he is older! But overall, I think this is really intuitive and practical advice, that many of us already use instinctively! So it's not earth-shattering, but it really maps out a structure that can be followed until they are teen agers (and beyond :) So I can take a deep breath now, and enjoy the feeling that God has lead me to a place where my gifts as a mother might serve Dominic best. Thank you SO MUCH, Signe, for recommending this and loaning it to me. It has been a godsend to our household!
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